Relationship Therapy Through the Lens of Imago Therapy
Imago, Latin for “image,” refers to an “unconscious image of familiar love.” According to Imago Therapy, we unconsciously choose partners who feel familiar because they reflect the dynamics we experienced with our early caregivers.
Imago Therapy explores the deep roots of our relationship patterns, showing how our earliest experiences of love shape our expectations and behaviors in adult relationships. From the moment you opened your eyes at birth, you began creating your personal “love map.” These early attachment experiences—how caregivers treated you when you were sad, angry, or joyful—formed your understanding of love and safety, influencing the way you connect with a partner later in life.
How Imago Therapy Works
Imago Therapy offers a unique approach to relationship counseling, focusing on how our childhood wounds resurface in intimate relationships. Jordan Green, also known as The Love Therapist, describes this beautifully:
“Intimate relationships tend to bring up old relationship wounds and patterned behaviors since we tend to pick partners that feel familiar to us. Our minds gravitate toward familiarity because it feels comfortable, we know how to navigate it, and it feels safe to let our guard down. This is why childhood feelings of abandonment, suppression, criticism, or neglect often rise in committed relationships.”
Through techniques like the Imago Dialogue, couples can create a safe space to communicate effectively. This structured conversation helps partners understand each other’s feelings and childhood wounds, fostering empathy, validation, and healing. Instead of avoiding or escalating conflict, Imago Therapy encourages couples to use disagreements as opportunities for deeper connection and growth.
Why Do We Choose Familiar Love?
From a young age, we observe how love and conflict are expressed by those closest to us. Whether it’s how parents respond to mistakes or how they handle disagreements, these patterns shape our expectations of relationships. If love meant conditional acceptance in childhood, we may unconsciously seek similar dynamics as adults.
For example:
- If your father was distant, you might be drawn to emotionally unavailable partners.
- If your mother was overly critical, you may find yourself with someone who mirrors that behavior.
This familiarity isn’t accidental; your unconscious mind selects partners with the potential to recreate unresolved childhood experiences. But here’s the transformative insight of Imago Therapy: the purpose isn’t to relive old wounds, but to heal them.
Overcoming Survival Mode in Relationships
Many of us react to relationship challenges from what Imago Therapy calls the “reptile brain,” a survival-oriented part of our mind. This brain mode is crucial for life-threatening situations but often misinterprets emotional discomfort as danger. For instance:
- If you grew up suppressing emotions like crying, seeing your partner cry might trigger discomfort, leading you to shut down or dismiss their feelings.
- If expressing opinions caused conflict in your family, you may avoid sharing your thoughts or feel defensive when others voice theirs.
In survival mode, connection becomes impossible. We criticize, blame, or shut down to protect ourselves. Imago Therapy helps couples step out of survival mode and into full aliveness—a state where both partners feel safe to express their true selves without fear of rejection.
The Transformation Through Imago Therapy
Imago Therapy doesn’t just teach couples how to communicate better—it facilitates transformation. By uncovering the reasons behind our conflicts, partners can rewrite their “love map” together, creating a healthier and more conscious relationship.
Key goals of Imago Therapy include:
- Healing childhood wounds that resurface in relationships.
- Creating a safe and empathetic environment for communication.
- Transforming conflict into opportunities for connection and growth.
When you and your partner embrace this process, you’ll move beyond mere survival to a relationship filled with understanding, mutual support, and full aliveness.
Start Your Journey with Imago Therapy
If you’re ready to explore your Imago, uncover the growth opportunities in your relationship, and transform your connection, contact us today to book your session. Learn how to create a conscious and connected partnership where both of you can thrive.
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